He prefers a different school
I recently applied for a local primary school place for my son, Terry. I'm no longer with Terry's father, but he's saying he'd prefer Terry to go to another school that has better results. Can he interfere with my decision?Terry's dad has equal rights in all decisions concerning his upbringing, including his schooling. If you can't agree on Terry's school, his father could make an application to the court ~for a Specific Issue Order and ask the judge to decide. The judge would then look at Terry's best interests.
Can I leave him without losing out?
I've been married to my husband for 25 years. I recently discovered he's been having an affair with his secretary for 18 months. I can't bear to stay in the house with him but I'm worried that if i leave, I'd lose out financially. Is this the case?You won't lose your rights in relation to the property by leaving. If the property is in your husband's sole name, I'd advise you to register a Notice of Matrimonial
Home Rights to ensure that he doesn't sell the property and dispose of the sale proceeds without your knowledge. You can do this by completing form MH I, obtainable from a solicitor or the Land Registry.
My Husband left me for another woman 3 years ago, and since then I’ve struggled to bring up our daughters, now aged 12 and 10. Although he agreed to support them after our divorce, his payment is often late; occasionally it doesn’t come at all. And there are constant arguments about new shoes or clothes and school trips.
Since I met my boyfriend six months ago things have got worse. My ex refuses to allow me an extra penny for anything, and he lets me down at the last minute with picking up the girls or having them overnight. Sometimes he just fails to turn up for arranged access. I only have a part time job, so I need his money but I hate being dependent and long to be free. I’m worried I might have to move. Meanwhile, how do I get him to accept responsibility for his Children?
If your ex-husband is late or missing child maintenance payments, you should contact the Child Support Agency on 08457 133133. They'll chase him for the
money you're owed. Unfortunately, you'll have to rely on his goodwill when it comes to clothes, shoes or school trips. I can understand your frustration over his unreliability with contact. One option would be for you to inform him that the children need regular defined contact with their father, and if he continues to let them down you'll have to rethink the contact arrangements. I'd need more information about the value of your home but I think it'd be unlikely you'd be forced to sell it when you're working part-time and have two children to take care of. Your ex-husband may have to wait until the children have grown up for his share of the property. However, you should be aware that if your boyfriend moves in with you, this could change-and your ex may be entitled to his share of the property then.
What rights does a common-law wife have?
Frances, 54, came to see me as she'd separated from her long term partner Marcus after I8 years together. They'd recently sold their house and bought another one in Marcus' name in the country and a house near to Frances' workplace with a mortgage in her name. Soon after this, Marcus told her the relationship was over, leaving Frances with a large mortgage and financial problems.IT'S A MYTH THAT SHE'D GET HALF OF THE HOUSE
Frances was devastated and didn't want to go to court. She was hurt as Marcus had tried to deny their long-term relationship. In fact they'd lived together as husband and wife, though they had no children. Frances assumed that she'd have a half-share of the property as a common-law wife. I told her this was a myth, but that she would have a claim as she'd contributed towards the purchase price of the home that had been sold. Marcus' solicitors offered Frances the 22 percent she'd originally contributed to the purchase price and disregarded all the financial contributions she'd made, such as buying food, paying utility bills and
funding home improvements.
SHE HAD TO TAKE HIM TO COURT
Frances decided that she had no option but to go to court. The court decided that since Frances had contributed towards the purchase price of the property, they would consider the other contributions she'd made and awarded her 40 per cent of the value of the property. Frances was overjoyed by the court's decision.
Do I have grounds for divorce?
My husband's often rude to me in public and belittles me in front of my friends. I've threatened to divorce him as his behaviour is making me depressed, but he's told me I don't have grounds for a divorce. Is he right?To obtain a divorce, you have to prove the irretrievable breakdown of the marriage. You can do this by relying on one of five grounds- adultery, unreasonable behaviour, desertion, two years' separation with consent, or five years' separation. From what you've told me, you'd be able to apply to the court for a divorce on the grounds of your husband's unreasonable behaviour- and claim the costs of the proceedings from him. It would be sensible for you to keep a diary of his behaviour, as this will assist your solicitor.
Woman Magazine Family Law Page April 4th
Can I change his name?
I want to change my son Matt's surname from my married name to my maiden name now that my husband and I have divorced. He's six years old. Can I do this without my husband's permission?No, your husband still has parental responsibility, so you need to obtain his permission. If your ex refuses this, you could apply to the court and ask a judge to decide, but I think you'd be unlikely to succeed without a very good reason for the change. In some circumstances courts may take the child's view into account- but not as young as six.
We bought a house together
I've been separated from my husband for two years. We own a property jointly. When we bought it, we agreed that it would pass to the other automatically if either of us died. Is there anything I can do to change this now we've separated?Yes, you can serve a notice upon your husband which would allow you to leave your share to whoever you choose. You must then make a will. Contact a solicitor about the preparation of this notice which would then have to be registered at the Land Registry.
He denied he was the father
Carolyn, 44, arranged an emergency appointment with me as her ex-husband Peter was due to inherit £150,000 upon the sale of his late mother's property. Carolyn had one child with Peter but, when they separated, he moved to Greece and had always avoided paying child maintenance. Carolyn had contacted the Child Support Agency on numerous occasions in the past but they'd told her that they couldn't get involved as Peter lived abroad and had no ties with England.WE FROZE HIS INHERITANCE MONEY
I issued an emergency application to the court to freeze Peter's inheritance on the day he was due to receive the money, as Carolyn was concerned that once he had transferred the money to Greece she would never be able to trace it and claim what was rightfully hers. The judge agreed to freeze £50,000 of the money while Carolyn's claim was decided.
THE DNA TEST WOULD PROVE PATERNITY
Peter fought her claim and, at one point, even denied he was the father. I then had to arrange a DNA test to prove that he was the father and this was an awful experience for both Carolyn and her son. In the end the stress that Carolyn suffered was worth it as she was awarded a lump sum of £20,000 from the inheritance Peter had received, which helped her financial situation immensely as she had run up substantial debts bringing up their child without any assistance.
This was a fair outcome as it made up for some of the child maintenance
payments Carolyn had missed outon over the years.
Should I have a prenuptial agreement?
I'm due to marry my boyfriend in August. I only divorced a couple of years ago and received a settlement of a house without a mortgage. My fiancé doesn't have any assets and I want to protect my house for my children. Is there anything I can do?In England & Wales, Pre Nuptial agreements aren't legally binding. However, recent case law shown that in certain circumstances court may take them account when parties separate. There's no guarantee that an agreement will prevent your husband having a claim your property, but it would be better to have one, as long as you both disclose all of your assets, both take legal advice and there's no pressure on either party to sign. You could also make a will leaving the property to your children, although this could be disputed in the right circumstances.
Case Study
I’ve recently discovered that my Husband has been logging on to chat rooms after I have gone to bed. One of the e-mails I discovered was to a woman named Jaqui and said ‘the other night was amazing’. I don’t know what to do. We’ve been married for six years. Should I just leave him, as I don’t think I could forgive him for having an affair, or should I confront him first? If I leave him, can I divorce him for having an affair?
If your Husband’s been having an affair with this woman he met on the internet, then you may be able to divorce him on the grounds of his adultery. However, the phrase 'the other night was amazing' wouldn't be sufficient evidence for the court. You'd have to prove that he had had sexual intercourse with this other woman, and you wouldn't be able to do this unless your husband were willing to admit to committing adultery. If your husband won't admit an affair, but you still find it intolerable to live with him, then you may be able to divorce him on the grounds of his unreasonable behaviour. If you decide to divorce, you should consult a solicitor and at your first appointment, take along your original marriage certificate or a certified copy
Woman Magazine Family Law Page May 2nd
We're splitting up
My husband Chris and I have decided to separate after 20 years of marriage. We're still friends but just can't live together any more. Can we get a 'friendly' divorce?To obtain a divorce without blame you need to have lived apart from your husband for at least two years. One of you can then issue divorce proceedings. The only way to get a quicker divorce is if one of you has committed adultery or accuses the other of unreasonable behaviour.
I need more money
My ex-partner James was giving me £50 a week for our child Ruby. He's now told me he can't afford it and has dropped it to £20 a week. He earns £1,000 per month net. I can't afford to live without the extra money. What should i do?Contact the Child Support Agency urgently on 08457 133133. Assuming James doesn't have Ruby for more than 52 overnight stays per year then he should be paying you £150 per month, i.e. 15 per cent of his net income.
She wanted the children to attend her wedding
When Judy came to see me she'd been divorced from her husband Ron for five years. They had two children, Gerald, nine, and Becky, seven. Judy was in a relationship with Ben and they'd planned to get married in July that year in southern Spain. Ron was very bitter about Judy's new relationship and so was refusing to let Gerald and Becky attend the wedding, despite the fact that they got on very well with Ben and they wanted to be par of their mother's special day.HE REFUSED TO HAND OVER THEIR PASSPORTS
I issued an application to the court for a Specific Issue Order. This was effectively asking the judge to decide whether it would be in the children's best interests for them to attend their mother's wedding. The matter was investigated by the court offcer (now called CAFCASS officer) and an order was made that the children should attend and that Ron should hand over their passports 14 days prior to their departure date. This date passed and Ron refused to surrender the passport despite Judy begging him to do so. We had to go back to court on an emergency basis and ask the judge to attach a Penal Notice to the order concerning the passports. This was granted and Ron then grudgingly let Judy have the passports as he could have been sent to prison if he hadn't complied with the Penal Notice. Judy spent a few thousand pounds on costs in respect of the two court hearings but truly believed that it was worth it for her children to attend her wedding.
Case Study
I’m concerned about my brother Bill. He’s been married to my sister-in-law Susan for five years and they have no children. Last time I saw him he had a black eye. When I asked him about it he said he had been in a fight in the pub. Susan is a heavy drinker and becomes aggressive when she drinks. I think that she may have caused the black eye. What should I do?
If Susan has caused the injury and your brother wishes to take matters further he can apply to the court for a Non-Molestation Order with power of arrest attached. This would prevent Susan inflicting further violence on your brother. If the violence was serious enough, Bill may even be able to obtain an order excluding Susan from the family home. The courts and the police take domestic violence very seriously whether it's a man against a woman or vice versa. If Bill doesn't want to go through the courts the Community Safety Unit (contact them via his local police station) will advise him on other options.
If you’re not married but living with a partner, there's no guarantee that they'll be contacted as 'next of kin' in the event of an emergency. Many hospitals recognise spouses or closest blood relatives as next of kin rather than co-habiting partners. So carry a free next of kin card from www.advicenow.org. The card, the latest in Advice now’s Living Together campaign, will ensure the authorities know who you would like contacted in the event you are admitted to Hospital. The card will also provide contact details for your partner. There are no rules about who can and who can’t be your next of kin, however this card makes it clear to medical staff who you've chosen as your next of kin and who can take those painful decisions such as switching off life support.
Woman Magazine Family Law Page May 9th
Can I protect my savings?
I'm buying a house with my boyfriend as we've found that it's cheaper than renting. I'm putting down my savings of £20,000, but he only has savings of £5,000. Is there something I can do to protect my larger share?Yes, you should hold the property as 'tenants in common' and enter into a document called a Declaration of Trust. This will ensure that you'll be entitled to a larger share of the property if and when it's sold. You should discuss this further with the conveyancing solicitor dealing with the purchase of the property.
She though she’d lose her daughter
Nicky had been with Alastair for five years when she came to see me. They had one daughter, Gabriella, aged 18 months. They'd recently separated, but relations between them were good and they'd agreed the contact arrangements for Gabriella without reference to solicitors. I gave advice on financial matters and eventually archived the file. Six months later I received an emergency call from Nicky. Alistair had had contact with Gabriella over the weekend and hadn't returned her on the Monday morning as had been agreed. Nicky had called the police, but they wouldn't get involved as Alistair was the natural father and shared parental responsibility for Gabriella.HE THREATENED TO TAKE HER ABROAD
Alistair had switched off his phone and Nicky had no means of contacting him. Nicky then had a call from a mutual friend who told her Alistair was furious that Nicky had a new partner. The friend also told her that he'd threatened to abduct Gabriella and take her to Portugal to a friend's vila. Nicky didn't know of a friend with a villa in Portugal and was scared that if Alistair fled with Gabriella she may
never see her again.
A COURT ORDER ENSURED HE HANDED HER BACK
We made an application to the court for an emergency residence order within a couple of hours. We prepared statements in support of Nicky's case and saw a judge as soon as we arrived at court The judge granted the order. We then had to find Alistair. Nicky phoned all of his friends and family and the only person who didn't return her call was Alistair's mother. She took a chance that Alistair was there and went to the house to serve a copy of the order on him. A police officer went with her to ensure that he handed over Gabriella. He was there and was forced to return Gabriella. Nicky was so relieved, as she'd feared she might have lost Gabriella forever. Nicky was of the strong view that she wanted Gabriella to continue having a relationship with her father, but wasn't prepared to risk him abducting her again. For the time being, Alistair only has supervised contact. Nicky told me that it would take some time for Alistair to regain her trust, but she hoped Gabriella would be able to have unsupervised contact with her father in the future as she thought it was in her best interests.
I want a divorce
I've been separated from my husband for seven years and want to get divorced. He's still being difficult and says he won't consent to a divorce. What should I do?You should issue a divorce petition on the grounds of the five years' separation. You don't need your husband's consent if you've been separated for this period of time.
Is my marriage legal?
My husband and I married in America 10 years ago. We have an American wedding certificate. Is there anything else I need to do to ensure that the marriage is legal in England? Should I have registered it here too?If your marriage was recognised in America, then it would be recognised in this country, too. The marriage is perfectly legal and there's no need to register it in England.
Case Study
I’ve been married to Geoff for seven years. We have two children- Gerald, ten and Becky, seven. A few months ago Geoff became detached and distant towards me. When I confronted him about this the other day he told me he’s never loved me and he thinks he might be gay. He swears he hasn’t been with another man, but I’m not sure I believe him. He’s now moved out. I’m devastated and very angry. I want to punish him for the hurt he has caused me and I am thinking of stopping him seeing the children altogether. Can I do this?
You cannot and should not stop your husband from seeing the children. If you do, then your husband can apply to the court for a defined contact order to force you to allow him to see them. When deciding whether to grant this order, the court would look at what was in the best interests of the children. In some cases, the judge will appoint a court officer to investigate the circumstances and then make recommendations in a report to the judge. Assuming that your husband has a good relationship with the children and is a responsible father, then the court's decision on whether to grant contact will not be affected by the fact that your marriage has broken down or that your husband may be gay. I recommend you both go to mediation.
Woman Magazine Family Law Page May 16th
How long will it take?
I separated from my husband three years ago. I've now met a man I want to marry-but how long will it take to get a divorce?I usually estimate it takes between five to six months, and I wouldn't advise you to make preparations for your remarriage until you've obtained a decree absolute. If there's no blame attached to your husband (for unreasonable behaviour or adultery, for example), you'd be able to divorce on the grounds of two years' separation, if he provides his consent. If he doesn't, and you don't wish to use either of the above grounds, you'll have to wait a further two years and divorce on the grounds of five years' separation.
He wants to keep everything
My partner and I are splitting up. We don't have any joint assets, except for the contents of our rented flat which we bought together. But my partner Paul now says he intends to keep everything for himself. What can I do?Usually the contents of the property are divided by agreement. If you can't agree ownership, then you could make an application to the court for the court to decide. But the courts don't like this type of application and in most cases the costs will outweigh the value of the items you're fighting over. I suggest you have another chat with Paul and try to resolve things amicably.
He said she was a bad mother
Carol and Simon had only been dating for six months when Carol found she was pregnant. Despite their initial shock, they stayed together when Sarah was born. The relationship was good for the first three year. Carol and Simon continued to work and shard the responsibility for Sarah equally. But when Sarah was four they separated. Carol came to see me and said she was happy for her and Simon to still share the care of Sarah and suggested a shared residence order, which meant her daughter would spend an equal amount of time with both parents. Sarah had a bedroom at both their homes and spent one week with Simon and the following one with Carol.SIMON WANTED THEIR DAUGHTER TO LIVE WITH HIM
We wrote to Simon's solicitors informing them of Carol's proposals, but shortly afterwards received notification from the court that Simon had issued an application for sole residence of Sarah. When questioned as to why he wanted Sarah to live with him all the time, Simon lied that Carol had often left Sarah on her own and that she was an alcoholic. Both were cross-examined in the witness box and the judge believed Carol's evidence. The judge then went on to make an order that the existing arrangements should stay.
SHE COULD’NT BELIEVE HE COULD BE SO UNDERHANDED
Carol was furious with Simon for saying she'd been a bad mother. She wasn't an
alcoholic and hadn't left Sarah on her own at any time. Carol wanted Sarah to continue having a balanced relationship with both her and Simon. However, Carol couldn't forgive him for lying about her in court so now they have very limited contact and only talk if it's in relation to an issue concerning Sarah.
I'd like to try again
I've received a letter from a solicitor telling me my husband David had stated that our marriage has broken down and that he wants a divorce. We've only been separated for about five weeks and I thought my husband just needed some breathing space. I still love him and want us to get back together. When I see a solicitor concerning this letter do I have to go along with the divorce or is there anything else I can do?If you don't want a divorce at this stage I'd suggest you ask your solicitor to write a letter to your husband's solicitor advising them that you're still very much in love with your husband and would like to reconcile. In that letter it may be sensible for you to ask whether your husband would be willing to attend counselling services, such as Relate. Relate can be contacted on 08451 30 40 I0. It will then be for your husband to consider the possibility of reconciliation.
Case Study
I recently split from my husband Ryan because he found out that I’d been having an affair. I feel desperately guilty as my husband’s moved out and is now living in a bedsit, while I’m in the family home with our three year old daughter Morna. I’m thinking of leaving our home and moving into rented accommodation so my husband can return, but I’m not sure this would be best for Morna. Should I leave and let my husband come back? And if the matter did go to court, would I be penalised financially for having the affair?
If this goes to court you wouldn’t be punished financially for having an affair. The only circumstances where your conduct would be an issue within financial proceedings would be if your behaviour had affected the family finances-for example if you gambled away the family income each week, then this could be taken into account. The court wouldn't consider the fact that you'd had an affair when dividing up the matrimonial assets. The court would want to ensure that both you and Morna are housed adequately, as Morna's housing would be their major consideration. Depending on all of the circumstances, it may well be, that the court would make an order that you remain in the property with Morna and your husband has to rent privately elsewhere. This would of course depend upon the value of your property and any other assets that you held.
Woman Magazine Family Law Page May 30th
Is it too late to stop our divorce?
My solicitor has advised me that my decree nisi has been pronounced and I can apply for a decree absolute in six weeks' time. However, my husband and I have now happily worked out all our differences. We no longer want to go through with the divorce-but can I stop it this late in the day?- Yes. The decree nisi is only the first stage of the proceedings. You're only divorced when the decree absolute has been pronounced. Any time up until the pronouncement of the decree absolute, you may apply to dismiss your petition and the divorce proceedings would then be stopped. Contact your solicitor and explain that you've been reconciled and he or she will make the application for you.
Can I apply for custody?
My daughter Jennifer has a three year- old daughter, Lily. Lily's father has only visited her six times since she was born and my daughter doesn't want him to have custody of Lily should anything happen to her. I'm very close to Lily as my daughter spends a lot of time with me. Is there anything I can do?Should anything happen to Jennifer you could apply for a residence order in your favour. As you're a grandparent you'd first have to obtain the permission of the court to make the application. If the court granted you permission they would then look at what was in Lily's best interests, taking into account the fact that you have a close bond with Lily and that her father only sees her sporadically. I'd also suggest that your daughter appoints you as Lily's guardian in her will.
I need more money
My husband recently left me and is now giving me a very small sum of money each week to live on. I've been recommended a solicitor but can't afford her fees, and she no longer carries out Legal Aid work. Is there anything I can do to get more money from him? If you've issued divorce proceedings, then you can apply to the court for money to live on while you're waiting for finances to be resolved by agreement or by court order. You'll need to prepare a list of your monthly outgoings to show to the judge -and one legitimate outgoing is your legal costs so you may get some money back to help pay your solicitor. Speak to your solicitor about applying for 'maintenance pending suit' once you've issued the divorce proceedings.
He's turning my son against me
Every time my son Luca who's six, returns from seeing his father, he shouts and swears at me. I'm very concerned that my ex is poisoning my son against me. I've tried discussing this with him, but he won't listen. What can I do? Since confronting Luca's father hasn't worked, I'd suggest you seek advice from a solicitor. They may write a warning letter to him, asking him to stop this damaging behaviour or risk stopping contact with his son.
He threatened to kill her
When Janet, 38, came to see me she was absolutely terrified. She'd been married to her husband Bob for 15 years and they had three children, aged; 4, 10 and six. Bob became violent when he was drunk and there had been incidents of domestic violence in the past. However, Janet had always covered up his behaviour and hadn't sought advice from a solicitor or gone to the police-until now. Trembling, Janet explained that Bob had tried to kill her. He'd deliberately left the gas on at home on the cooker knowing that she was a smoker and that she'd probably light a cigarette when she returned home from work. He also knew that she'd be the first one home. Luckily, Janet smelled the gas as soon as she got home and left the house immediately.THE JUDGE BELIEVED HIS STORY
It was a Friday morning when Janet came to see me and we got her into court on the Friday afternoon before the judge on an emergency basis. We gave Bob notice of the hearing as the judge would be more likely to force him to leave the property if he'd had notice of the proceedings. Bob attended with his barrister. The judge asked both parties to give factual evidence and then made a judgment at the end. Janet’s barrister and I couldn't believe that the judge went against Janet and believed Bob's story that the cooker was probably faulty. Janet was distraught and had to be comforted by her family. She was too scared to go back to the house and instead went to stay at her mother's with the three children. On the Sunday, Janet had to go back home to collect some clothes and other personal items and Bob was at home. He was gleeful that the judge had believed his story and attacked Janet, leaving her with a black eye.
JANET COULD NOW LIVE IN SAFETY
Janet came into my offices first thing Monday morning. We rushed back to court and asked to be seen by the same judge. As soon as the judge saw Janet’s black eye he needed no further evidence and ordered Bob to leave the home and gave Janet an injunction to protect her. Janet was relieved that she and the children could return to their family home and that she now had some protection from the court. But she remained disappointed that she'd had to endure physical abuse before the judge would believe her.
Woman Magazine Family Law Page August 1st
Will I get any money?
My dad recently died without leaving a will. He was married to my stepmother but they didn't have children. I'm one of four children from his first marriage. Dad's property was valued at £170,000 at the time of his death. What am I entitled to?As your dad didn't leave a will, the estate would be divided under the laws of intestacy. The first £125,000 would go to your stepmother. Half of the remainder-£22,500 could be shared between you and your siblings, and your stepmother would have what is known as a life interest in the remaining £22,500. There would be no tax to pay on the inheritance. Your stepmother wouldn't be able to spend this lump sum but would be entitled to any income earned from investing it. On her death, this £22,500 would be shared equally between the four of you.
He changed the locks
I went to stay with my mum for a few days recently when my relationship with my husband Ron reached a low point. When I came back I found out that he'd changed the locks on our jointly owned property. I didn't know what to do, so I went back to my mum's home in a state of shock. A friend has now told me that I'm legally entitled to break into the house. Is this correct? - Yes, providing there's nobody in the house at the time, and you repair any damage that you cause while gaining entrance. So it's legally OK if your husband has popped out to the pub or the shops when you break in. If your husband is at the property at the time that you try to get back in, you could be arrested under the Criminal Law Act. This offence carries a maximum sentence of six months in prison. Alternatively, you could get a solicitor to make an application to the court, so that you can gain access to your property. You're legally entitled to move back in, as you're a joint owner of the property.
She lost her children
Because of her terrible lies John had been separated from his wife Sue for two years when he came to see me. They had two children, Sally, four, and Peter,aged six. He told me that Sue had persistently prevented him from seeing the children since their split. We made several applications to the court for contact but Sue continued to disobey these orders. John persisted, and we made another five applications to the court to force Sue to comply.
The children were told they'd been sexually abused
Sue was on the verge of being sent to prison for breaching so many orders when she persuaded the children that they'd been sexually abused by John and his parents. The children told the court officer that this had happened, and John and his parents were appalled, as it was absolutely untrue. These allegations were thoroughly investigated by the court officer, social services and a child psychologist, and reports produced in court as evidence.
The judge, on hearing the report, didn't accept Sue's story, and decided that the only way to protect the children was to grant residence (custody) of them to their father, John. Sue was only allowed to have supervised contact with the children.
This was a very sad case, as it shows the extremes that people will go to, to prevent their partner or husband from seeing their own children. Sue's lies meant that she actually lost custody of her children. John, however, was overjoyed to see his children again, and I hear they're both doing well in the care of their dad.
I miss my grandson
My son Mat split up with his girlfriend Betty six months ago. They have a child, Toby, who's three. Mat hasn't seen Toby since the split. I've tried to talk to him about this but he doesn't seem that bothered. I desperately miss Toby. What can I do?As a grandparent, you can apply to the court for a contact order. You'll need to ask. the court for permission, as you don't have the automatic right that natural parents do. I see no reason why your application shouldn't succeed. If you have a strong bond with Toby, contact could well be unsupervised. The amount of contact would depend on Betty's views, how often you used to see him, and so on.
Will I get a share of his pension?
I've' been with my husband for nearly 35 years and he's just told me that he wants a divorce. I'm fine with that, as we've drifted apart over the years, but I'm nearly 60 and don't have a pension. Meanwhile, my Husband has built up a large pension with the same company for 25 years. Will have any claim on it?Don't worry, you'll have a claim on your husband's pension. Given the length of your marriage, it's likely to be 50 per cent. You should apply for a 'pension sharing order'. Half of your husband's pension would then be transferred to you. If you don't have your own pension, you need to set one up, and then transfer your share of your husband's pension into it. You can then elect your-own retirement age.
Did you know?
From December 5 this year, same-sex couples will gain new legal rights with the Civil Partnership Act. It's a groundbreaking piece of legislation which will create a legal status similar to marriage-a 'civil partnership' with the same rights and obligations as conventional married couples.
Woman Magazine Family Law Page Aug 15th
My son wants to live with his dad
My 13 Year old son Simon and I haven't been getting on well recently. Now he's told me he wants to go to live with his dad, Stuart, who seems to be fine about the idea. Is there anything I can do to stop this happening?If Stuart applies to the court for a residence order, then they'd look at what was in Simon's best interests. They'd first consider whether Stuart could care for Simon properly. One of the other factors they'd take into account would be Simon's wishes and feelings in the light of his age and understanding. As he's now 13, his views would be considered seriously by the court. In my opinion it's likely that Simon would be allowed to live with his dad, although if that happened, the court would also want to ensure that you continued to have generous contact with your son. Talk all this through with Simon and tell him he's always welcome to come home in case living with his father doesn't work out. Obviously, if you're very unhappy about the idea of him leaving, then let him know how sad you are and see if you can rectify your differences. Family counselling may help. See your GP for advice.
Can I take the kids on holiday if my ex objects?
I'm recently divorced and met my new partner, lan, six months ago. I've got two girls of four and six by my previous relationship and Ian has a little girl of five. They all get on really well and Ian adores my kids. We want to take all the children away for a week in England at the end of the school holidays, but my ex, Dave, is saying 'over my dead body'. What should I do? You don't need Dave's permission to take the children away in England as you both have equal parental responsibility (parental rights) in relation to your children. If Dave wants to stop you taking them away with your new partner, he'd have to apply to the court for a prohibited steps order, which the judge would only grant if it was considered to be in the children's best interests. As it seems that your ex is simply unable to accept that you're in a new relationship and that your new partner and the children get on well, I think it's unlikely that Dave would be successful.
Will I get less maintenance?
I've got two children, Lucy, two, and Nicky, five, by my ex, Steven. At the moment I receive £200 per month child maintenance through the CSA (Child Support Agency) which I'm told is 20 per cent of Steven's net salary. Steven's new wife is now expecting a baby and one of my friends told me that my money will drop once the baby's born. Is this true? If so, I'm really going to struggle.Unfortunately, once the new baby is born your maintenance will reduce. This is the CSA's rules. From Steven's £ 1,000 per month net income they'll first deduct 15 per cent for the baby (i.e. £150). You'll then get 20 per cent of the remaining £850, which is £170. The only thing I can suggest is that you tell Steven that the reduction will leave you struggling financially and ask him to pay the £30 difference to you on a voluntary basis.
Did you know? You don't have to go to court if you're getting divorced -only if your divorce becomes a defended divorce, which is very rare. Most divorces are carried out through a process of corresponding with the court without you ever having to attend.
He tried to claim half her house
When Virginia met John, she'd been through a very traumatic divorce. She'd had to fight hard to keep the family home for herself and her two children to live in. She thought she'd never trust a man again, until she met John who swept her off her feet. But she remained cautious about financial matters, as she wanted to protect her home for her children. John didn't contribute anything to the mortgage. Eventually john suggested that they live together. Virginia was overjoyed and john moved in with her and the children, but she made it very clear that the house was in her sole name and would eventually go to the girls. She made sure that John didn't contribute towards the mortgage payments and that she paid for any home improvements.However, five years later the relationship broke down and Virginia separated from John. He went back on his word. Despite John's promises that he'd never claim anything from the house, Virginia received a solicitor's letter saying John was claiming a 50 per cent interest in her home. Virginia was devastated when she came to see me for advice.
I told her that the common-law wife/husband status was a myth and that john would only have obtained an interest in the property if Virginia had promised him a share or if he'd contributed financially towards the property. (To qualify for any claim on the property John would have had to have made payments towards the mortgage or towards the purchase price. Payments for rent or utility bills wouldn't have been sufficient to claim.)
I wrote a strong letter setting out the current law and the fact that John wasn't entitled to a share. Virginia never heard from John again. She was relieved but also sad that she'd been hurt and let down again. However, she was delighted that she'd managed to keep the security of her home for herself and the children.
Woman Magazine Family Law Page Sept 19th
Do I have to let her go?
My daughter Lucy is eight months old and I still breastfeed her at night. My ex has told me he wants Lucy to stay overnight with him but this is simply not possible at the moment. He's threatened to go to court over it. Will they force me to let her go while I'm breast-feeding?In my opinion this would be unlikely. The court would look at what was in Lucy's best interests. If she is still breast-feeding at night, then I think that the court would only grant daytime visiting contact at this stage. This, of course, would be reviewed again when you stop breast-feeding Lucy.
Does her real dad have any rights?
I have a six-year-old daughter from a previous relationship and a three-year-old daughter by my husband. I met my husband when my eldest daughter was a year old and she's always thought of him as her daddy (although she knows that he's not her biological father). My husband and I are both concerned that her natural father may try to come back into her life. We split up when I was pregnant and he's only seen her once, when she was one day old in intensive care. He was told of her birth immediately, but didn't come to see her until the following day. He's never even sent her a birthday card. Does he have any rights at all and could he now, six years later, gain access to her?He does not currently have any legal rights, as he doesn't have parental responsibility. He could only acquire these rights with your agreement, or by making a formal application to the court. Although he wouldn't automatically be grantee parental responsibility (as he hasn't had any role in your daughter's life), the court could give him the opportunity to prove himself by allowing him to slowly introduce himself-for example, by sending cards and letters initially. If he was then serious about becoming part of her life and regularly sent cards and letters as ordered by the court, then it' possible that he could be granted parental responsibility and contact.
The court would always have your daughter's interests as the priority and contact would start off very slowly with, possibly, supervised contact at a contact centre. This would be monitored carefully by a court officer. If this went well, he could eventually obtain unsupervised contact with your daughter. The court would be conscious that if it's in the child's best interests, there should be a relationship between father and child.
He left the house to charity
When I saw Joan recently, she was 81, in good health, and living in a three-bedroom semi. About eight years ago her second husband (-they'd only been married for a couple of years-) died of cancer. When the will was read, she discovered that he'd left the house that they'd lived in (which he owned) to an animal charity. Joan had paid for the upkeep of the property. She was allowed to continue living in the house because the will stated that she had a life interest in the property and could stay there as long as she wished.Joan lived there for several years before coming to see me. She'd spent £2,000 on repairs and wanted to ask me if she could sell the house to pay for her care if
she ever needed to go into a home, and whether she could claim back money spent on maintaining the property. Joan wasn’t entitled to a refund I checked the will and spoke to a colleague in our wills department. Sadly, it was a fairly standard will which said that she had to be responsible for the upkeep and insurance of the property all the time that she lived there, and I had to advise her that she couldn't recoup the money she'd spent.
To make matters worse, I then had to tell her that if she went into care, she wouldn't be able to sell the property to pay for her fees, as it belonged to the animal charity. Luckily, my client's family could afford to pay for her care if it ever became necessary-but she was terribly shocked that she couldn't claim back the money she'd spent on the property from the animal charity.
I want to divorce him
My husband's really lazy around the house, leaving me to do all the chores. He says it's woman's work and just will not help. I'm so fed up with being treated as his maid. He barely talks to me when we're at home together and I'm considering divorcing him-do I have any grounds?You could divorce him on the grounds of his unreasonable behaviour, based on the fact that you do, indeed, find his conduct unreasonable. I would suggest keeping a diary so that you have a record of his behaviour to show your solicitor if you do decide to divorce him.
